Jessica Valenti, The Guardian
In the new (and pretty fantastic) book, Notorious RBG: The Life and Times of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, there’s a whole lot to love about the supreme court justice turned cultural icon. For me what was truly wonderful was learning about RBG’s husband Marty, who has famously said: “I think that the most important thing I have done is enable Ruth to do what she has done.”
And feminist hearts the world over swooned.
Declaring your most important achievement as what you have done for your partner or children is common enough among women. How many times have we listened as a woman says her most valued role is that of mother, or that raising children or being a housewife is the most important job in the world?
But for men, who are taught that personal and professional successes trump achievements within the home, attaching your self‑worth to family life is something much rarer. (And much more needed.)
I’ve often counted my blessings that I married a man who is as feminist as I am. The truth is that like a lot of people with busy work lives, I could not be effective at my job – or as a parent – if it weren’t for the fact that I have a supportive partner.
Andrew is as invested in my career as I am, and that makes a difference in ways big and small. Yes, it means the domestic work doesn’t automatically fall on my shoulders, but it also means having someone to bounce ideas off of. Having a person who will strategize with you, look at your writing and tell you when you are wrong when you don’t want to hear it but need to hear it most.
While I’m loathe to give anyone a pat on the head for doing things that women have been doing for decades – taking good care of your children, supporting your spouse – it’s hard not to admire the men who are trailblazers in this regard.
Men who stay at home to take care of children may be admired in ways that women never are, but they’re also derided for not being traditional breadwinners. Men who care for their children are asked if they’re “babysitting” rather than parenting, and men who put their wives’ careers first are given the side eye and asked if they’re “whipped”.
So to those men who buck tradition – to men like my husband – I say: thank you. Not just from the women in your life who you are helping, but to the women and men you don’t know – you’re helping them too. Because the more we see men taking on supportive domestic roles, the more the culture will accept it. The more common it will become, and the less thanks like this we’ll have to give.
And if you’re one of these men and feeling unsure about your decision or feeling attacked by a society that would rather see you bring home the bacon than help your wife cook hers, remember Marty Ginsburg, husband of Ruth.
http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/ruth‑bader‑ginsburg‑marriage‑sexism‑and‑pushups
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I think, that women should recognize the importance of their jobs to herselfs too. There are still many women, who think they should cook or clean in the place of their husbands. We need to change ourselves to change the world.
reading this text I was thinking that that kind of husbands is rare. but then I realized that I have an example in my familiy: my father. he has always helped my mother at home, sometimes he cooks and makes the laundry, and he tries to put in order when the house is messy. maybe he is not a real feminist, but i see the actual support he gives to my mother.